tired and bored

Physically tired and bored. I am not a happy camper.

The long weekend has come and gone. I didn't get much done, relaxed, masturbated. I was unproductive and without cheer. I wonder if changing anti-depressants will help.

strip club visit

Went to a strip club after a long time. Breasts, asses and three lap dances.  Women feel so good. Soft skin, a sweet smelling forest of hair, firm stomach, big spherical breasts, two round mounds of rump, soft lingerie. This is heaven.

Ennui

Ennui. That's how I feel. I don't feel a part of anything. I feel depressed, but not quite depressed.

Another depressing start to the morning.  But perhaps I will get something done today, starting the day by working from home seems to be helping to get a start. Better than starting the day off watching half an hour of porn.

Noah Smith has a great post on depression here:

http://noahpinionblog.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/a-few-thoughts-on-depression.html

I like his 7 points. These I think are the most important:

2. Coming out of depression is the most dangerous time.

6. Depressed people may need a new "narrative"


Working with my therapist enabled me to build a new narrative, and become more accepting of things. It took time, but it worked. 
 
 

weekend goes well

Weekend went well. Didn't masturbate all weekend, nor did I get drunk, or spend too much money eating outside. Got chores done. Cooked. All very positive things. Wasn't overly depressed as well. Time to turn off.

Depression

What do you think of when you are alone? When I am alone, my mind quickly takes me thinking to how I am not happy, how I don't feel comfortable at work, how I should not exist. When I am tired, and not had a good nights sleep it is the worst of all. Sometimes, I have played WoW all weekend, or edged to porn all weekend. These days, I don't do that so much, try to take naps over the weekend, try to finish chores.

Checking in

Moved into a cool new apartment over New Years.  That is keeping me happy. It is a pleasure to come back to. But work isn't. I feel depressed not sleeping well and I am tired. Oh, well.  Vague feelings of depression, not fitting in at work keep me unhappy. I know I should relax but, it does not feel that easy. Not getting enough sleep makes me unhappy the next day. Melatonin isn't helping. It usually does but this time it is making me fall asleep but wake up in the middle of the night with thoughts of not fitting in at work. Dragging myself into work and sitting there with nary a word with the coworkers is a challenge.  Makes me feel like an outsider,