Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
strip club visit
Went to a strip club after a long time. Breasts, asses and three lap dances. Women feel so good. Soft skin, a sweet smelling forest of hair, firm stomach, big spherical breasts, two round mounds of rump, soft lingerie. This is heaven.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Ennui
Ennui. That's how I feel. I don't feel a part of anything. I feel depressed, but not quite depressed.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Noah Smith has a great post on depression here:
http://noahpinionblog.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/a-few-thoughts-on-depression.html
I like his 7 points. These I think are the most important:
2. Coming out of depression is the most dangerous time.
6. Depressed people may need a new "narrative"
Working with my therapist enabled me to build a new narrative, and become more accepting of things. It took time, but it worked.
http://noahpinionblog.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/a-few-thoughts-on-depression.html
I like his 7 points. These I think are the most important:
2. Coming out of depression is the most dangerous time.
6. Depressed people may need a new "narrative"
Working with my therapist enabled me to build a new narrative, and become more accepting of things. It took time, but it worked.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
weekend goes well
Weekend went well. Didn't masturbate all weekend, nor did I get drunk, or spend too much money eating outside. Got chores done. Cooked. All very positive things. Wasn't overly depressed as well. Time to turn off.
Depression
What do you think of when you are alone? When I am alone, my mind quickly takes me thinking to how I am not happy, how I don't feel comfortable at work, how I should not exist. When I am tired, and not had a good nights sleep it is the worst of all. Sometimes, I have played WoW all weekend, or edged to porn all weekend. These days, I don't do that so much, try to take naps over the weekend, try to finish chores.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Checking in
Moved into a cool new apartment over New Years. That is keeping me happy. It is a pleasure to come back to. But work isn't. I feel depressed not sleeping well and I am tired. Oh, well. Vague feelings of depression, not fitting in at work keep me unhappy. I know I should relax but, it does not feel that easy. Not getting enough sleep makes me unhappy the next day. Melatonin isn't helping. It usually does but this time it is making me fall asleep but wake up in the middle of the night with thoughts of not fitting in at work. Dragging myself into work and sitting there with nary a word with the coworkers is a challenge. Makes me feel like an outsider,
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